Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize