Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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