she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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