apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
