I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
