Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Semen is not good for contacts.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
