Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
