This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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