You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize