Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
false alarm. still invincible.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
