1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
