I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
