I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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