Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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