I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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