Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
