you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
