Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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