His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
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Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
BRING THE BAGELS
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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