I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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