We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
