Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
