fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
did i walk over a car last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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