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11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
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