wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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