if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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