I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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