I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
