So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
