help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
