While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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