Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
