WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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