One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
