I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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