I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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