I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
