I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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