After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
