Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
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The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
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I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived