Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.