If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
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If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
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when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry