he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere