if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
