He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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