WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
