She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
