Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
