My brain says no but my pants say off.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
