so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
