I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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