Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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