ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
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