I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Blood and glitter go together right?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize