I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize