he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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