You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Randomize
