There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
