She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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