i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
