I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
