how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
