You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
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he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
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they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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