using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
