:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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