I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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