so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.