forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Better not shit yourself at the gym.