He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.