Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.