Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
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Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
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There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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