6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!