Her vagina should come with caution tape.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
