Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
