i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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